Crystalline
by Plasma Twa 2
Summary: One night when Misato has a breakdown, Shinji tries to make her feel wanted and loved. But does he make it better, or only make it worse? Oneshot, MisatoXShinji, please review, constructive reviews only.


Crystalline

pt2

_I don't own anything but the story. All characters are property of Gainax._

_A/N: My first story. Hope you like it!_

_---_

Shinji sighed when he heard the fridge door open. He knew what it meant. Misato was getting drunk. "What is this, her seventh beer?" He muttered softly as he rolled over on his side and tried to go to sleep. He had been trying for an hour or so, and every-time he got close he was awaken by the sound of Misato getting up, walking over to the fridge, opening it, getting another beer, and then sitting at the table and crying until she felt like getting another beer, in which case the cycle repeated itself. It was tearing Shinji up inside. Not because she was drunk, or because she was crying for that matter. The two seemed to go hand in hand ever since Kaji died, and Shinji had come to accept the fact that it would continue for a unforeseeable amount of time. It only got worse after Pen Pen died. He remembered the day it happened. He had walked home with Asuka until she left to go to Hikari's, and he walked through the door to find the apartment a mess, and a distressed Misato in the kitchen, crying harder than she usually was. As he got closer, he finally saw what was making her cry. On the floor, beside the leg of the table, was Pen Pen. He never learned how he died, and to be honest he didn't want to know. All he knew was that his death only made Misato more depressed than ever.

No, none of that was bothering Shinji. What was hurting Shinji was the fact he knew today Misato wasn't crying over Kaji or Pen Pen. Turning over to his calendar, he gave it a quick glance.

It was September 13. The day her father died.

He didn't understand why she was crying. He had lived with her for a little over a year, and the year before she acted the same as usual. She woke up, grab a beer, finished it in a gulp, and was out the door ready for another day's work. After work was done, and Shinji had come home from school, he distinctly remembered finding her sitting on the couch in hot pants and a t-shirt, scratching her midriff and sipping on a beer. This year, though, she didn't even bother getting up. He woke up, and made breakfast for the three of them, but Misato never came out of her room...

-

"Misato... Are you there?"

He could hear her alarm clock, but he heard no sounds of movement..

"Misato, wake up! You'll be late for work!"

No response.

He stood at her door for what seemed like an hour, knocking on the door and calling her name. He finally stopped when Asuka, who was getting tired of him pounding on the door, shoved him out of the way and slammed her fist on the door repeatedly. Finding it didn't wake her up, Asuka left Shinji standing at Misato's bedroom door. He didn't want to leave her, he was worried something had happened to her, but he couldn't miss school, and reluctantly he left for school. Throughout the day, however, he found himself thinking about Misato, wondering if she was ok. At lunch he spoke to Kensuke about it. Before Shinji could even finish, he sayed he would go over to Shinji's house and "make her feel better", whatever that meant, but almost immediately the humour in his voice disappeared. Shinji guessed he saw the worry in his eyes.

When school was over, Shinji ran to NERV. He wanted to see if Misato was there, and why she didn't get up that morning, not to mention he had a sync test. He was disappointed to find out she hadn't come in that day, and somehow, he thought, not hearing her voice during his sync test made the whole test feel awkward. Apparently it affected his sync level, as afterwards he overheard Dr. Akagi saying something about Asuka having the highest sync level that day. That only served to make him more depressed. It gave him an idea, though, and after he changed from his plugsuit to some street clothes, he approached Dr. Akagi.

"Dr. Akagi, do you know why Misato isn't in today? She didn't even bother to wake up this morning." Shinji had asked her, almost a little too quickly for her to understand.

"I'm sorry Shinji, but I don't know. She was normal yesterday, wasn't she?" She replied, and seeing Shinji nod she continued. "She always kept her emotions for Kaji penned up until after work, so I don't believe that's it... Wait... Shinji, you know her father died during Second Impact, right? Today is the 13th, the day it happened..."

Shinji almost immediately shrugged her off. "Last year she was fine, I don't think that has anything to do with it."

After a few minutes of debating, Dr. Akagi concluded that she just had a real bad hangover, and that added with her distress over Kaji and Pen Pen made her go over the edge. That, or she hit her head when she was getting out of the bathtub and was now dead. As she walked off, Shiji thought about what she said. No matter what happened, though, he was worried about her, and he headed home as quickly as possible, only to find her bedroom door open. As Asuka wasn't home, Shinji immediately shrugged of Dr. Akagi's comment on Misato hitting her head, and he had ventured into her room in an attempt to find her. When it had become clear she wasn't in her room, Shinji left, closing the door as he did, and began to look around the apartment for her. He had jumped slightly when he heard the door open, and was filled with some hope that it was Misato, but was saddened to hear it was only Asuka. Before he could open his mouth, Asuka had asked him where Misato was, and said her car wasn't there. Shinji told her he didn't know, but knowing she had at least gotten up made him feel much better.

It was all for vain, however, as a few hours later he heard Misato walk in. He was about to rush over to her, and see if she was OK, but he heard her crying and decided not to disturb her. As much as he wanted to make her feel better, Misato's crying made him uncomfortable, and so he had stayed in his room. A few moments later he heard Misato make her way down the hall. Listening in on her, he found out Dr. Akagi was right. Everything that had happened to her had finally pushed her over the edge. The fact it was the day her father died presumably was only the tiny spark that was needed to start the fire.

-

That's how the day went, and so Shinji was still in his room. An hour or so ago he remembered hearing Asuka come out of her room and complain about not being fed, and it only served to make Misato's crying louder and more depressing. Shinji had half a mind to go out there and yell at Asuka. She was a real bitch sometimes. But, he knew that would only made Misato even more depressed, and he stayed put, grinding his teeth.

Asuka had left to Hikari's soon after her complaint, leaving Shinji and Misato alone in the apartment. Shinji was getting even more and more anxious with every passing minute. Misato had been crying for well over four hours, and she was as loud as when she started, if not louder. Groaning, Shinji rolled around on his bed some more, before sitting up and sighing. "It won't get any better if you don't do anything." He muttered to himself. He knew he had to do something. Telling himself not to run away, that speaking to her would make it better, he opened his door and stepped out into the hall. It was then he learned how much his door deafened the sound of Misato weeping. Groaning even louder this time, he took a deep breath and stepped into view of Misato and the kitchen. He almost jumped back in his room when he saw her. Her hair was in a mess, her shirt was wide open - she was wearing a bra, thank god - and she wasn't even wearing any pants. Swallowing, Shinji searched for the words to say to her. He wasn't exactly an expert at consolation.

"Misato...?" He muttered, almost drowned out by Misato's weeps. Noticing she didn't seem to hear him, Shinji took a step closer and opened his mouth to speak again, but was frozen in place when he saw her get up. He bit his lip when he saw the crystalline drops falling from her eyes. Not noticing him standing there, she walked over to the fridge, grabbed another beer, and began to drink it when she turned and finally saw Shinji standing there. Her gaze made him even more uncomfortable, and he began to inch his way back to his room when he saw Misato drop the can of beer, spilling it's contents all over the floor. Bringing his eyes from the can to Misato, Shinji didn't have time to react as Misato rushed over to him and pinned him against the wall in a deep kiss. Shinji's squirms to escape were futile; she had him in her grasp, and she wasn't going to let go anytime soon.

Seemingly sensing Shinji's need to breathe, Misato broke the kiss as Shinji gasped for air. Trying to get away again, he was somewhat shaken when he heard Misato say "You love me, don't you Shinji?"

"What?" He replied, now wishing he could dissapear though the floor. Coming out was a mistake.

"You love me, right? I have no one else, please say it, Shinji. Please." Misato muttered. Shinji sensed that the quick cease of her crying was about to come to an end, and he sighed in anxiety.

"I..." Shinji had began, but stalled. The stall seemed to push Misato over the edge, as she released him from her grasp and began to cry again, even louder than before.

"So? You don't?" Shinji heard her say between sobs.

He didn't know what to say to her. Of course he loved her. She was the mother he never had. He loved her with all his heart. But he didn't love her in the way she wanted him to. He wasn't ready for that, and besides Misato was more than half his age. He wasn't even 16 yet. Opening his mouth, Shinji couldn't seem to find the words he wanted to say. He wanted her to stop crying and make it all better, but he knew it was up to him to help her.

"Why don't you love me?!" Misato yelled at him, startling him out of his thoughts. "I've done everything for you! I've let you live with me! I love you! Why won't you --"

Shinji wanted to put a stop to her crying, so he stood up and grabbed Misato's shoulders. "Misato! I love you! Ok, I love you! I said it! I don't love you like that, though! I can't be the type of person you need, Misato! You need someone to take care of you and to be there for you, and I can't do that! I can't be Kaji, ok!? Nobody else can be Kaji! I'm sorry, but he's dead Misato! He's dead and he's not coming back, and you'll just have to accept that!"

Shinji stopped when he realised he was yelling at her. Looking in her eyes, he could tell that he had hurt her. Simply looking at her hurt him so much. He had just grabbed her and yelled at her. Looking at her, he began to tell her he was sorry, but Misato pushed him away.

"Fine! You know what, Shinji!? I don't need you! If you can't be there for me like I need you, I don't want anything to do with you! You will never be Kaji, Shinji! He was more of a man than you'll ever be!" Hearing the anger in her voice and seeing it in her eyes almost brought Shinji to tears. He never meant to make her angry, or make her sad. He only wanted her to stop.

_Your a failure, Shinji. You can't help anyone._

Shinji felt Misato push him, and he did nothing as he fell down to the ground, hitting his head against the wall. What could he do? He already made things worse than they could ever be, and seeing Misato standing over him made him cry. She had attacked him. His guardian, the one adult he loved more than anybody else had just attacked him. Realising it made Shinji burst out crying. He only made things worse. He was a failure.

"What do you want from me, Misato?" He cried out at her, tears running down his face. "I don't like seeing you like this! I hate being in my room, hearing you cry! I want you to stop! I want you to feel better! I only wanted to make you stop crying, Misato! I hate this! It's killing me! I only wanted you to stop crying..." Before he could finish, Misato ran from him to the balcony. Immediately Shinji was worried about what she may do, and he quickly got up and ran after her. "Misato! Don't!" He yelled after her. Did his words really drive her that far?

_How will you be able to live with yourself, knowing you killed Misato?_

Finally making his way out to the balcony, Shinji was relieved to see Misato leaning over the edge, crying her eyes out. Quietly, Shinji walked op to her and tried to put his arms around her, let her know she wasn't alone, that he cared about her. Misato, however, pushed him away and took a step back. "Don't come near me Shinji!" She yelled out at him. Shinji couldn't tell if she hated him or not, although he couldn't blame him if she did.

"Misato... please... I don't like seeing you like this. I only wanted you to feel better. I love you, I really, really do. But I can't love you like that. I'm not Kaji, Misato. I can't... make love to you for a week. I can't show my gratitude towards you by kissing you and hugging you. Please, just stop crying. You'll find someone, Misato. Your beautiful and smart, there are millions of men who would want to have you." Shinji sighed after he finished. He was pouring his heart out at Misato, trying to make her feel better, but it only seemed to make her sadder.

"I don't want a million men, Shinji! I want you to love me!" She cried out before collapsing against the balcony rail. "Is that so much to ask..."

Now desperate for her to stop crying, Shinji once more tried to hug Misato, this time meeting no resistance. "I love you, Misato... Please, stop crying... Please."

Shinji sighed a sigh of relief when he felt Misato wrap her arms around his chest and hug him back. Slowly reaching up, he gently moved Misato's head, until she could look at him right in the eyes. Sighing, he moved a strand of her hair that covered her face over to behind her ear. "Misato, maybe someday I will feel like that about you... But until then, the only tears I want to see from you are tears of joy." He could tell he reached her, because Misato slowly smiled at him.

"Like this?" She asked.

Smiling back, Shinji nodded. "Exactly like that."

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_A/N: Thanks for reading. Hope you liked it. If you wouldn't mind reviewing it, that'd be great. No flames though, please, unless their constructive._


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